The force of will is a very powerful thing. It can lead you to do accomplish things you never thought possible.
Despite the lack of templates, styles sheets or indeed, knowledge of publishing a magazine, I have put my focus and full force of will on getting a new issue of GEARHEAD out by the end of the year. Everything I thought I knew about myself has changed as I move towards my goal.
I feel as is if I am suspended between what was, and what is coming, like I'm on a suspension bridge stretched over a wide canyon, too far from the ledge to turn back, but too far from the ledge I'm walking towards to trust that I'm going to make it there safely. So all I can do is keep moving towards that distant ledge and keep praying and trusting I'll make it.
When I was a kid, I remember tuning in to watch Evel Knievel and his famous motorcycle jumps: buses, fountains and even the Snake River Canyon. I can't help wondering now if this is what Evel Knievel felt like? What was inside his mind? Was he scared and uncertain, wishing he had never boasted he could jump that damned Snake River Canyon? Was he wishing he worked at Costco instead, or some safe job where he knew that no matter what, he would bring home a paycheck and get health insurance and two weeks paid vacation? That however mundane that might feel to him, at least he was safe?
What went through his head as he was revving his engine, ready to let off the brake and step on the gas and power his way to that far ledge? Was his tummy filled with fear, wondering that if death came would he feel that agonizing impact of every bone shattering or would he have left his body long before he hit the ground and not feel a thing?
I know that what I am doing is nothing like the risks Evel Knievel took, at least not on a physical level. But on a spiritual and emotional level, it is the same. If this magazine that I am pouring my heart and soul into crashes and burns, then what? Will I crawl up in a ball and hide my head in shame? Close up the business and go get a job at Walmart? Will I stop trying to express my authentic self and share my unique creative take on life?
I don't know. All I know is I have to keep driving forward. I cannot turn back now. Whatever will be will be.
Rock and Roll/Automotive Journalist, Influencer, Editor and Publisher of Gearhead Magazine, A & R for Gearhead Records, Creator of Gearhead Apparel, DJ, Punk Rocker, Master Gardener, Minister, Environmental Activist and Animal Lover... who IS this person?!